LESS than 4 – is the number of relationships I’ve been in.
ONE –is the number of times I’ve been in love.
ZERO –is the number of people I’ve had sex with in my life.
The sum total of my point: I’m not casual, fickle or flakey when it comes whom I share my time with. I don’t jump from relationship to relationship. I don’t randomly select people according to some list and begin weeding through suitors. And I don’t look at every man I meet as a potential spouse.
Because of the nature of my call, I have a large number of single friends. And because of that I always seem to come across those who like to “hypothesize.” Whenever someone sees me speaking with a brother, I automatically get the “Is that your Boaz?” line of questioning. And then don’t let me have the nerve to be supporting one of my homeboy’s visions, rallying behind his cause or just hanging out with a buddy. People immediately go into “Chuck Woolery” mode. Yet, RARELY does anyone ever bother to straight out ASK if I’m courting OR better yet, if I’m even remotely interested in the person I’m ASSumed to be courting with. It’s as if everyone around me is waiting to see who will be the man that “Nikki the Virgin” allows to capture her heart…and yes, I just wrote about myself in third person –don’t judge me.
Seriously though, there are few things worse than being casual with our hearts. And fewer things worse than being in the midst of a relationship that has you emotionally invested but God’s not in. I’ve been there. It sucks. But what I’ve learned is this: it’s better to commit to what God ordains than ask God to ordain what we’ve committed to.
So, over a year ago I made the choice not to court. It’s been interesting too… I would come across various men all feeling as if they had what it took to cause me to break weak, but no. See, I’ve often said being single is not so much about what we have the ability to have and more about where God has us. Real talk, if it were just about a relationship, that could easily be remedied, but no. It’s bigger than that…
This last season of my life has been a season of transition. From my occupation, to my ministry obligations, to businesses, to internally, no area of life has been left untouched. When God spoke to me and told me I was entering a season of shifting, wisdom said it was better to abstain from courting rather than introduce a new thing to a place that was experiencing so many changes. And although I would love to play it cool and say it was easy, it wasn’t. Honestly, it was difficult saying I was “unavailable” or “off the market” but not able to share with them what that really meant. Yet at the end of the day, I valued my brother’s hearts enough to decline advances, rather than trying to entertain something God never gave His blessing on.
The lesson: In all our courting let us be led.
Ladies, don’t be afraid to take your time. If “he” really desires to be with you, he’ll wait and allow God to finish working in you. And if he doesn’t, he’ll move on. Either way it’s all good. And brothers don’t play games. Purpose to court according to the will of God for your life, not what you think is best in the moment. And let everyone be made better because we all courted responsibly. And all who agreed said, “I know that’s right, Nikki!!!”
So, that’s all.
I’m finally at a place where my transitional season is done. So with that I’m asking God to show me the hearts of the people who present themselves to me and what roles they’re to play in my life, if any. I’m asking Him to help me discern intentions. I’m letting Him prepare me mind, body and soul for the future relationship HE’S ordained for me. That at HIS leading, I might share my heart with “The one” He’s purposed for me…
And that’s just where I am with it…
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